I've learned from my Children
1. A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000
sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them
with roller blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is
not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman
underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however,
if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls
of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan
is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw
the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan
can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a
baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh,"
it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even
though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of
11. PlayDough and microwave should not be used in the same
12. Super glue is forever
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you
still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV
commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic
toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true
story: One day the first grade teacher was reading the story
of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part
of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate
the building materials for his home.
She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with
the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but
may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The
teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you
think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand
and said, "I think he said... 'Holy ****! A talking pig!'"!
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 MINUTES.